The work environment is like a cross-section of any community or family – it contains people that you would jump in front of a bus for and those that you would rather miss the bus. There are those that help us through the tough days; and those that make our days tough.
For a long time, employees have been conditioned to accept that there will always be people that grind your gears and that it is a normal part of working life. The good news is that it doesn’t need to be that way. With some cognitive retraining, you will be able to build harmony in the workplace by taking control of negative or toxic relationships.
Do a positive and negative energy ‘stock take’ of your colleagues. Who are the people that are filling your cup and who is draining it? In your personal life, it is somewhat easier to ‘defriend’ those that do not bring you joy – but unfortunately, a colleague that doesn’t bring happiness may still need to bring the required sales figures for the monthly report. Before putting a plan into action, consider reflecting on who is bringing negativity into your work day.
Negativity is the ‘elephant in the room’; everyone knows it’s there but most people want to pretend it’s not. Allowing a co-worker to indulge in negativity without addressing it is not a strategy for improvement. For many workers, being negative is their ‘default’ position and they may not even be aware of the impact of their actions. Toxic peers become part of the team dynamic and if not addressed, it can negatively manifest. The first step is to acknowledge the negativity before you can take steps to remove it.
Most people grew up being told that they were responsible for their own behaviour and not for the choices of others. How a colleague chooses to behave in the physical or virtual workplace is not in the circle of your control. You cannot stop a peer from focusing on every negative in their day, but you can control how you respond to it. It is tempting to allow negative people to have an ‘all access pass’, but you can decide how and when you give them the platform to be toxic.
When you take pride in being positive contributors to the team and the broader business, it can be frustrating when peers seem to be so focused on negating good vibes. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into the negativity of others. You don’t have to be the one standing there all the time with the ‘positivity’ rope trying so desperately to pull them into the light. Take back some control by simply saying, “It’s a shame that is your experience Alex. My perspective is that I am excited by the opportunities that may come with the new project”.
Negative people can wallow in their own toxicity and love an audience. Most of us will try to put the ‘negativity fire’ out with a fresh perspective, but when that attempt fails there needs to be actions to protect your own mindset to ensure that your optimism is not completely diminished. Disarming negativity begins with a lack of engagement. Maintain your emotional distance and resist the temptation to be a sponge to absorb a co-worker’s negative energy. Don’t buy a front row seat to the negativity show as the ending is always bad.
Unless you have magical powers, your ten-minute positivity spin on life is not likely to pull them into their “Aha” moment. You are not their counsellor or their parent and there is no responsibility on you to turn this person around. Many of us want to jump into the darkness and show them the way out – but what we forget is that sometimes a negative person is content where they are. Look for opportunities to reframe the situation, then have the courage to move on.
Remote working has given us all a break from having to share the lunch room with the ‘negative Nancy’ in the office. When everyone worked in the office, careful planning was needed to take a different lunch break to the person who can’t stop complaining – but remote work has provided us a choice to interact on our terms. You may still get messages from these workers, but you can take a breath and decide when or if you will respond. Sometimes creating a little space provides the opportunity to reply with positivity and patience.
Negative people are masters at spinning their webs and can leave you feeling frustrated, angry, and resentful. It is important to temper your emotional responses and not allow yourself to be dragged into someone else’s battle. This person is probably so consumed by their own perspective that they are completely oblivious that their behaviour is having a negative impact on you.
Appreciative inquiry is the process of asking questions to help the negative person gain a more positive outlook. If you find a colleague stuck in the negative, try reframing by focusing on the positive aspects. For example: “What could be done differently next time to bring you the result you need?” or “What were the key learnings that will help the next stage of the project?” It is also possible to redirect the conversation: “I agree it is a shame that we lost the account. Which one of these new customer leads do you think we should tackle first?”
It is difficult to continue to wallow in negativity if the person you are speaking to is focused on the positive. Life is definitely not all unicorns and rainbows, but at some conscious level, we need to make the decision to counterbalance the negative with our positive mindset and a desire to see the good in every day. Perhaps today is the day we can look to break the cycle by asking – “What was the best thing that happened today?”. The answer just may surprise you.
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Georgina is the Senior HR Content Editor – Publications at the Ai Group. With over 25 years of experience in human resources and leadership, she has demonstrated her expertise across a diverse range of industries, including financial services, tourism, travel, government, agriculture and HR advisory. She is also an accomplished writer and editor, known for creating high-quality, engaging content that educates and informs. Her writing includes a variety of formats, such as blogs, articles, policies, templates and guides.
