"I thought I was doing really well" - when performance expectations don't align

For many leaders, the hardest performance conversations are not about poor performance.

They are the ones where an employee walks in feeling positive about their year and you see it differently.

Right now, with end of year performance reviews underway, this is playing out across teams. Employees are completing self-reflections and highlighting effort, contribution and wins. Leaders are preparing to assess performance against outcomes, behaviours and role expectations.

When those two views do not align, the conversation can quickly shift from constructive to uncomfortable.

Handled well, this is where real clarity happens. Handled poorly, it is where trust can take a hit. Emotions can run high and disengagement takes centre stage.

Why this happens more often than leaders expect

In most cases, the gap is not about attitude or intent. It comes down to how performance is being understood and measured.

Employees often focus on:

• how much they have taken on
• how busy they have been
• where they have put in extra effort.

Leaders are assessing:

• what outcomes were delivered
• how effectively the role was performed
• whether expectations were met (or exceeded) consistently.

These are not the same lens and this is where the disconnect begins.

It is also common for gaps to be driven by:

• unclear or not reinforced expectations
• limited or inconsistent feedback during the year
• different views on what “good” actually looks like

Many disconnects in performance reviews stem from misunderstanding or lack of information rather than deliberate disagreement.

Where conversations tend to go wrong

When there is a mismatch, leaders often:

• move straight into their assessment without understanding the employee’s view
• deliver the feedback as a conclusion
• overcorrect by softening the message too much
• focus only on gaps without recognising effort.

This is where the employee hears:  “You’re not performing well” instead of: “We are seeing your performance differently. Let’s work through why.”

Performance reviews are meant to be discussions, not one-way conversations. It is imperative that leaders can take some time to reflect that for many employees, the end of cycle performance review holds high importance. Not only does the outcome generally influence remuneration, but it sends a direct message on employee value. For many workers, when this doesn’t align it can generate a strong disconnect.

So, what does this misalignment look like in practice?

What the employee says: “I’ve stepped up a lot this year. I’ve taken on extra work and helped out wherever needed.”

What the leader is thinking:

• yes, they have been busy
• but core deliverables have been inconsistent
• priorities have not always landed
• quality has been uneven.

How to respond in the moment:

Start by acknowledging:

• “I can see you have taken on a lot this year and we have valued how you have been willing to step in.”

Then shift to expectations and outcomes:

• “Where I see things differently is in how some of the core responsibilities of the role have been delivered.”

Be specific:

• “For example, the monthly reporting has been late several times, and we have had to rework parts of it before it goes out. That impacts the team and stakeholders.”

Reframe clearly:

• “So, while there is no question that your effort is there, performance at this level is also about consistency and quality in those core deliverables.”

Why this works:

• acknowledges effort without equating it to performance
• anchors the discussion in expectations and impact
• removes ambiguity.

What the employee says: “Based on what I’ve delivered, I thought I’d be rated as exceeding expectations.”

What the leader is seeing:

• solid performance
• responsibilities met
• but nothing beyond role scope or consistent stretch.

How to respond:

Start with alignment:

• “You have delivered well in a number of areas and there are some strong examples we can talk through.”

Then clarify the standard:

• “When we talk about exceeding expectations, we are looking for consistent delivery above the role requirements, not just meeting them.”

Use a clear contrast:

• “Meeting expectations is doing the role well and reliably. Exceeding is where we see broader impact, stretch or consistently going beyond what the role requires.”

Anchor in example:

• “In your case, most of the outcomes we have seen align with what the role is designed to deliver, which is why the rating sits at meeting expectations.”

Why this works:

• removes subjectivity around ratings
• explains the difference in simple terms
• reduces the feeling of being undervalued.

What the employee says: “I didn’t realise this was an issue. No one has raised it before.”

What this often means:

• feedback has been unclear or too light touch
• informal signals have not landed
• the review feels like a surprise.

How to respond:

Acknowledge and take some ownership:

• “I understand that this may not have been as clear as it needed to be during the year.”

Then restate the expectation:

• “Going forward, it is important that we are on the same page about what is required in this area.”

Give clarity with examples:

• “For example, we need to see deadlines met consistently without follow up, and work that is ready to go without rework.”

Move quickly to forward focus:

• “Let’s talk about what this looks like over the next few months so there are no surprises.”

Why this works:

• avoids defensiveness
• builds credibility
• resets expectations clearly.

6 Practical tips for leaders in the moment

When you find yourself in this situation, keep it simple:

1. Listen first
   Let them explain their view before you respond
2. Anchor everything in the role
   Not personality, not effort alone
3. Use examples, not general statements
   This is where clarity comes from
4. Acknowledge effort without overvaluing it
   Effort matters, but performance is about outcomes
5. Stay open if they push back
   explore their view, do not shut it down
6. Bring it back to what happens next
   clarity, expectations and support

Performance discussions are ultimately about clarifying expectations, addressing gaps and agreeing on actions that support improvement. Employers can learn more in our resource: “How to effectively conduct an effective performance review factsheet”.  

Disconnect is an opportunity

When someone says, “I thought I was doing really well,” they are not trying to be difficult.

They are telling you that their understanding of performance is different from yours.

Your role as a leader is not to shut that down.

It is to close the gap. 

Further information

For assistance with your workplace matters, members of Australian Industry Group can contact us or call our Workplace Advice Line on 1300 55 66 77 for further information. Australian Industry Group has an extensive Optimising & Managing Performance resource topic that brings together practical guidance, tools and templates to support organisations across the full performance lifecycle, from setting expectations through to addressing underperformance and recognising outcomes.